| sun |
[30 Jul 2008|01:30pm] |
I like the people in my life to be like Diderot's atoms bumping into each other - all these new people just arrived in my life and i'm relishing all their flavours - oh what fun you are, oh what interesting things you can show me.
In summer I spend my time absorbing things. Sunshine, literature..
I've watched so many movies recently. Since I got back from czecho 2 weeks-ish ago I've downloaded about 3 films every day.
Yesterday I watched ashes and diamonds - re-watched, really, but in fact no, because the last time i saw it i was seventeen and stupid (-er...) It actually is wonderfully funny.
plus i love polish.
i would try to learn it,
if i didn't already have such a mess in the slavonic department of my mind.
Also i love the cook, the thief, his wife and her lover
AH!
when you watch films from other countries, you really miss stuff.
I mean that, well, I understand just how different cultures are now - after lectures at the theatre academy, where there are loads of references that I just don't know, because I didn't grow up here. I've lived in Petersburg for over a year and a half.......... and really that's not that much time at all.
Anyway, you can, of course, appreciate art from other cultures, but you will not feel it poking deep into your substance as something made by someone who grew up in the same society as you, who felt the same respites, who got pissed off like you.
Am I a British artist then? I wouldn't have thought so. I feel more like... a scottish-czech-expat-in-russia-artist.
who will that appeal to?
it'll be slightly cute to everyone but moving to noone.
apart from maybe myself.
I really didn't want to study in london though.
I am so glad that i'm studying directing HERE in RUSSIA, in PETERSBURG, in the TEATRAL'KA. My homework is to write a scenario about STANISLAVSKY (and friends). I don't even know what I would have done in london. But, though I may be diluting something in myself, I am certainly adding a whole load of delicious new flavours.
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| things keep moving on |
[06 Apr 2008|05:52pm] |
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music |
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birdy nam nam |
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LAST week, and THIS week. pink all around.
what a funny little time it's been. spring has finally come, and the temperature has been at 10degrees or above for the past week. ah, it's nice to not wear heavy coats anymore! or trudge through snow! ( -->  ) But both my and alesha's money ran out about 2 weeks ago - and we've been living together on about £10 since then. (haha!) on friday i finally had my private students, which meant that we could enjoy ourselves a little over the weekend.. but i finally understood what about 70% of this country lives like. 2 weeks ago i made us salmon with balsamic sauce for dinner. and all last week we had rice or potatoes (which i at least made into a gratin) - haha! oh most of the time it was pretty hilarious to me (and i, in fact, enjoyed walking to work instead of taking a marshrutka) (prices for public transport have gone up all over the city by either 2 or 3 roubles. which is a pinch that you can feel! but they claim it's for the new metro line they're building.) but the point is, i finally understood in my gut just how unfair it is for people here. A Russian teacher that i work together with earns 10,000 a month. that's £200. can you Believe it? and the point is that stuff here is often More Expensive than in britain. real estate, for sure. clothes, definitely. technology, building supplies, plane tickets, wine, cheese, milk. anyway i should be paid either tomorrow or tuesday so it'll be ok. i just need to scrape together enough for the metro to and from work tomorrow, and it'll all be good. god it all sounds so miserable, doesn't it. in fact we had quite a nice week. Both of us shunned the newly glorious weather to stay in and work on our various projects. Alesha doing his uni work, me working on my scenarios, drawings, reading, translating.. And instead of going out to films we have stayed in and watched things lying in each others' arms. (can't have wandering hands in a cinema. or well, you can, but you can't pause the film there...:)) We watched la mariée était en noir on thursday (i think it was) - ahhh! i hadn't seen it since i was about 10, when i clearly didn't understand it, and this time i just sucked up all the delicious juicyness of it. Back at age 10 i was just attracted by the macabre notion of a murderer-bride (widow but still) and the wonder of Jeanne Moreau. Now, however, this film has exactly what i just gleefully savour in any artwork - multi-faceted, multi-layered, subtle meaning that climbs in the back door of your brain. Hurrah, i say! oh, may i write something that good some day. |
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| RHOP - the russian house of pancakes. |
[11 Mar 2008|07:33pm] |
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mood |
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 hungry |
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music |
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plaid - milh |
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SO
in russia we have not pancake DAY like you poor souls out there in the west
but pancake WEEK
well, it's called Maslenica (from the word Maslo - oil/butter)
and you're bsaically meant to manage to eat pancakes at some point during the week.
( but we
had them
every
day.
hurrah. )
Basically i just love pancakes.
Though i like the carnivalistic aspects of the holiday Maslenica which brings with it not only flat circular delicousness, but also music and merriment and a big fist fight between hundreds of shirtless men and the burning of a big wicker maslenica man.
it's like the carnevale, "goodbye meat!" where you have the ritualistic gorging yourself on various goodies (to get it out of your system - both pagans and (orthodox) christians recognise the effectiveness of partying on down) before the beginning of lent.
but in Maslenica it is combined with the greeting of spring and bidding farewell to the cruel and long winter.
anyway we had the big party (you saw my last post)
which was probably wilder than any of my recent parties (though you can't see that stuff in the photos aha)
and well the flowers are still here (hello spring! it was +10degrees today!!!!! can you believe it!!!! it was amazing!!!!)
and as for the calm after the storm - well, it's true.
Today I got down to business, finally ordering my degree certificate (stupid oxford, why don't you give them out at graduation, huh???) and calling GUKIT (the school i wanna go to next year) and also i got my flights back to glasgow in april (that's £70 return thanks).
I reckoned £70 on flights is better spent than £70 on clothes - i can pick up much more from my glasgow wardrobe than i can get for that amount here!!!
woop.
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| HAPPY DAYS |
[10 Mar 2008|01:10am] |
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mood |
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amused and amusing |
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music |
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goldfrapp - clowns |
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HERE is the black version.
wicked.
this time it was much easier and i made it in about 2 hours. just in time to wear out last night.
I love looking mildly like a clown. ura!
yeah, last night we had a party for the 8th of march thing.
oh this holiday: well, the 8th of march originated in women's rights movements and various real political events - it;s a genuine feminist, meaningful holiday.
But in Russia it's lost this dimension and has become a big pink and glittery flounce in which women are placed on this pedestal and even though i enjoy all the attention, i DO have some sort of feminist reaction to soft-focus posters with flowers and "happy holiday, sweet and lovely women! you are so gentle and beautiful!"
do you know what i mean? it puts women into a particular stereotype where they ARE gentle and inoffensive.
Anyway i don't want to go into it too much, because I like living in Russia and being treated in a gentlemanly manner. It is EXTREMELY rare to find gentlemen in britain and i don't like the often selfish and irresponsible behaviour of british men so I can't complain.
ANYWYA
everyone was jealous of me last night because MY gentleman is such a fabulous boyfriend. He bought me a bouquet of pink flowers together with those little white poufy ones. (er, i don't know the names of flowers. anyway it was beautiful and our living room smells delicious now)
also he got me a box set of films with the 1930s Soviet actress Ljubov' Orlova. Awesome.
We booked the cabaret room in the theatre for a party last night and it was ( LOTS o' FUN!! check it out. )
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| I am Kirsten Dunst |
[01 Mar 2008|12:52pm] |
Here goes the dressup again.
I actually made this outfit before it occured to me that it was rather like something else.
Anyway i really enjoyed wearing it. you know having a good outfit makes all the difference to your mood.
It's interesting though, fashion, that is dressing up, as an art form is essentially selfish. You express yourself and don't affect the mood or mind of others, per se.
That's probably why it's so popular.
Anyway, though I can undermine it with philosophising, I am certainly loving it all at the moment.
But I hope it is not overshadowing my other forms of expression.
I havent drawn for rather a while.
But I haven't been thinking about it.
Film stuff though.. I had one really nice idea for a short, very graphic, quite gentle.
We watched Celine et Julie vont en bateau this week, which is the coolest film i've seen for a long time, and i loved it man.
Now that it's march 1st I have 2 weeks to finish my kinokultura review. And I've almost finished.. It's just so stupid that I've done it so graduallly sloowwlly. guh. But it's because I had 3 months to do it that I spent 3 months doing it. If I'd had one day, I'd have done it then, and done it just as well.
anywya who cares.
Once I've done that I can finally apply for the newspaper job that I really want.
Not that anything was really stopping me, just it is a mental barrier.
so i should go for a run.
I've got a sleeping Alesha here beside me. He came home at 9 this morning. He was drunk and was insisting that since he's a MAn it's ok for him to be out all night. Whereas even at 11 last night he was calling me and making sure i was alright.
pf.
anyway i know he just wants to take care of me.
We're all going out tonight anyway. URA.
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| i love my city |
[29 Feb 2008|12:47am] |
only in spb could the weather be like this one day, and like this the next day...
We had almost forgotten what it was about this city that made us fall in love with it. Trudging through the sljakot' , er i mean slush, with wet toes and running eyemakeup (ew, on the first snow day i arrived at work looking like a panda.)
Not to say that I've gone off snow.
Oh, that couldn't happen..! But this winter we havent had much good snow this year. it either melts by the next day or even in a few hours!
IT seems really boring that I would talk about the weather in my livejournal..
but it does affect you rather a lot.. Though we didn't notice it until the sun came back and suddenly everything became marvellous and beautiful!
when youre busy busy rushing from school to work to parties it's best not to have wet feet. also sleet isnt great for freshly set curls..
ah but in the meantime we've got parties and more holidays to come.
god what a boring post.
i'm totally distracted by the tv. theyre showing scream 3, which for some bizarre reason, i'm finding rather compelling...we watched the second part yesterday and now the third. ahh! russian tv is So bad that scream 3 dubbed into russian (at least they took off the english soundtrack.. which they don't usually do) seems like a good option.
hm.
well i'm off to upload another outfit of the day to flickr.
that's another impulse that i can't explain and am mildly ashamed of, but can't stop doing. also i have come to love these fashion blogs. you know, style bytes, style bubble, kingdom of style.. (which is slightly painful for me to read cause the girl lives in glasgow and traipses around all the amazing vintage shops and comes home laden with treasures. While clothes shopping here is a bit of a nightmare, and there arent any vintage shops that i know of.. though i'm currently investigating this...
mmhm.
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| val's day... хочу валяться, БЛИН. |
[14 Feb 2008|09:43pm] |
 
Somehow by accident it happened that I wore red today.
But Alesha and I aren't celebrating. HE's at work right now, until late... at.. the gay drag show.
i love the irony.
oh yeah
always when i tell people this i forget to mention that he's a lighting engineer.
anyway i couldnt believe it when he told me.
but we're gonna postpone til sunday anyway.
that way i've got much longer to prepare.
and today i just got to enjoy trying to teach with a runny nose and hoarse throat. mmm yeah.
anyway i was happy because the students understood everything and seemed rather entertained at the same time.. which is always great.
and then my second group left me a charming message on the board "Ema, Happy Valentin's!"
ok it wasnt completely right
but hey
theyre my worst group, so
i was just touched by their affection..!
cough cough cough.
i'm off to make some thai chicken.
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| this is what you were waiting for |
[09 Feb 2008|02:39pm] |
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oh you have no idea how good it was to do this again.
it was like stretching on a sleepy morning,
it opened my mind again. And oh, how satisfying!
There's SOMething about webdesign which is quite irresistible. I just love the way that there are the various stages in the process, and that you always have a little challenge to solve, coding to get your head around..
and the movement that there is in it, as well as one static picture. It's interactive, and that's fun.
also me making this is a reaction to the fact that,
and we've all noticed it,
that people just hang out on social networking sites now instead of making their own sites.
I'm guilty of it
and you are too.
but i wont go on about it too much.
it goes without saying,
that you should GO AND SEE MY NEW CREATION, HUH?
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| you are my radio star**********************!!!!*!*!*!**!*!******!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[09 Feb 2008|05:55am] |
 
guys i'm all about the dressup right now.
i bought vogue today and it so brightened up my rainy journey from rainy school to rainy work.
i'm loving indulging in colour that i wouldnt usually.
i get looks whenever i wear any bright tights, seeing as 80% of the girls on the street are in jeans tucked into high heeled boots...
but blah, no way can they be feeling as wicked as i am.
Recently i've been feeling really comfortable in my skin, and glad of what's going on around me.
perhaps it's being organised and getting laods done, gearing my russian up to serious (i need to write essays. good ones.)
and hanging out with new friends! and watching lots of good films,
and lesha and me having a beautiful time together..
also it's probably got a lot to do with something else, which is a surprise, but you'll find out tomorrow.. :)
ahha just you wait.
well anyway perhaps i should just leave it til tomorrow and leave you with the bright orange.
enjoy, my friends....!
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| A NICE PARTY WEEKEND |
[21 Jan 2008|02:37am] |
i had lots of fun this weekend hurrah it's nice to be sociable again :)
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| back in the saddle again |
[08 Jan 2008|04:00pm] |
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i've been watching samurai jack allll dayyy!!! |
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i'm sure i've used that subject many times.
but there you go.
a new year -
everyone seems to have a good feeling about it all. the whole even numbers blah blah
and though numerology and all that may have its influence on it all,
i have felt these last few (cold, -15 degree) days to be warmed at the core by some good influence. You know when you have those conversations that bring on new peace,
when you finally do something you had to
when you confront one of those niggling feelings..
Last night we watched scenes from married life and i felt more certain of my direction.
you know all those stupid panics you get when you're choosing a strange and exciting future for yourself..
well with lesha's help it was all dispelled and i saw my future work laid out before me
on a slanted drawing desk scattered with morning light,
an open window, fireworks, new understandings and new ideas..
that's all
but i have a lot of reading to do if i want to get there.
let's hop to it bunny girl!!
at least i've been drawing a lot a lot a lot and they're all on my flickr as always..
i just wish i could do something with them all. they just sit in a pile on top of the piano, i have three laid out on display but they always fall down and oh i just wanna take them to someone and offer them for a show or a magazine feature or something ahhhhh! how do you even get onto the ladder? does the first step have to be a leap over a chasm, huh?
such as the complications of life sigh
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[15 Dec 2007|04:07am] |
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music |
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cinematic orchestra |
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his and hers computers..
his: deltaforce oh yeah. mine: warehouse website, the dress i just bought myself (it's currently in glasgow, i'm still in petersburg.. but next week i'll be in glasgow too, in my family house again and in a brand new peter-pan collar delightful dress! woop!
i just finished writing reports on 60 children. aaaagh! that, if anything, will make you lose the will to live.
The more time i spend with the students, the more my english disintegrates. aha!
well there are lights all around town and tomorrow i need to go to jarkij mir and try and get my photos developed - i've been trying out lesha's ancient lomo, see if i can work it out.
what excitement lies ahead!
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| another silly date |
[11 Dec 2007|02:35pm] |
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music |
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birdy nam nam |
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i rather miss my scanner..!
anyway i bought vogue yesterday for like the first time in 2 years or so
and ahhh
how nice it is
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| hurray |
[29 Nov 2007|12:28pm] |
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Already lots of lovely messages and i've only been awake about an hour..
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| memory of warmer weather (!) |
[28 Nov 2007|11:39am] |
this was the first cold night, i remember. and i still really like this photo.
i'm missing sushi wednesday today cause we have to prepare the flat for my BIrthday party.
Tomorrow i turn 22 how weird is That. i haven't really thought about it much, which is rather out of character.
we need to find somethinhg super cute and lovely to tmorrow night. fri is champagne and friendzzzz!
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| more fun in the sun |
[25 Nov 2007|02:28pm] |
AH
it's good feeling more and more comfortable.
We've been watching Brigada (2002 series about mafia-ish lads from 1989-1997) and I finally feel like I have some sort of grasp on what was happening here in the 90s. And hence what is happening now, and why people feel and act the way they do.
Last night Lesha and I talked politics. We don't usually do this - it's too big and too obvious usually that we don't even want to do it.
Dad (and others) always ask me about what Lesha's political leanings are. You know, the whole world is fascinated and mesmerized by Putin and don't really know what the deal actually is, so the Russian point of view must be so interesting.
And everyone is always so disappointed to hear that he doesnt like to involve himself in it.
But i can find two explanations for this: 1. political events have been so chaotic and so massive that people have learned to get on with things and try not to pay attention to the messes that the people at the top are making? 2. the little man can't actually make a difference to it all.
"We all know how these elections are going to turn out..." Of course we do. There's no way that Edinaja Rossia and Putin could be shaken out of power.
And the west bristles.
And i bristle a little. I don't like the idea of there being no choice. Of course. I don't like the atmosphere of unconditional adoration. Coming from Britain, where (all) political comment is based on cynicism and satire, i am totally suspicious of the seeming lack of criticism.
But then i open my eyes a little and see the graffiti, the articles in Ogonek, the Marches of the Discontented.
Putin is not faultless, there is a lot of stuff that is RATHer worrying.
I don't like this military pissing contest that's going on, i don't like the use of the word "Victory" everywhere.. Victory against what?? against whom??
the slogan of Edinaja Rossia is "Putin's plan - is Russia's Victory." hmm.
Then again, it's not just them who's doing it. They're not making it up but taking advantage of it. There really is aggression being sent towards them, and it's all because people believe what they want to.
All the stuff written in Britain about Russia is full of misunderstanding and hostility. The immediate impulse is to assume that the Russians want to hurt us and they are dangerous. hmmmmm.
And anyway, I wouldn't vote for Putin. I wouldn't want to be caught up in the wave. And one of my primary principles is that you should always question yourself. Check yourself. Reassess your opinions and prejudices.
And this regime would never do this.
But there is one reason why Putin will rule this country for the foreseeable future, and why it is not a terrible thing.
Life here used to be unbearable. And now it is liveable, and only getting closer and closer to civilization.
Did you really think that after 15 years there would be democracy, legality, cleanliness? Don't you know how long these things take? Don't you realise that during the Soviet Union, people had to resort to certain methods to survive, and that after 70 years of this, it can't switch immediately.
Putin is slowly slowly fixing things. To the west it seems horrific, hostile, and totalitarian.
But i think he's much cleverer than he is given credit for. He is improving people's lives and the situation of the country, in the way that is necessary because the country as it stands now is based on a broken, cracked and messed up foundation. Lacking in ideology, licking its wounds even now, it can't be compared with any other country.
Why did the other formerUSSR countries pick themselves up faster? I know from my own family in czecho, and also it is obvious; Communism wasn't their own, it was put upon them. After 1989 they just crashed everything down, threw off their oppressors, destroyed all traces of it all.
But here there still is LEnin Square, Prospekt Bolshevikov. Not necessarily because they want communism, but because it is a root of the country's last century. If you deleted that, you would be taking away the explanation for the current state of it all.
(also, on the subject of communism, that is a whole other issue. There are lots of elderly people who do truly want a return to that life, but only because they grew up in it, and they don't know how to live in this society, and they are confused. And because social support has not yet been sufficiently established.)
Anyway
i could say more.
But it's a massive thing, and I can't stop thinking about it. and It's fascinating and terrifying. The elections are a week today. And Alesha won't go to vote. But it won't make any difference anyway.
There are lots of scary things going on in Russia.
And though a number of them are inexcusable and immoral, many of them are easily explicable if you only realise that they have arisen from suffering and attempts at survival.
These are some theories that i have formed.
I don't pretend to understand it completely and i am still stumbling in the darkness, as are the Russians themselves.
But i think there is a flicker of light at least here. But western opinion is still in the pitch blackness.
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| a pair of pairs |
[11 Nov 2007|08:09pm] |
yesterday i went to my first ever wedding - it was very nice.
Today Lesha and I have been together for 2 years exactly.
and everything is well.
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ondra's journal
